HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY...I'M LEONARD COHEN!

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HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY...I'M LEONARD COHEN!

Postby Mr. Ed on Thu Aug 01, 2002 8:44 am

YES, I AM! AND YOU MAY BE TOO!!

At least according to a promotional ad (circa 1969) for Leonard Cohen's "Songs From a Room". I saw this little jewel while trotting around on Ebay a week or two ago. And it's a bizarre combination of 60's cool and Madison Avenue desperation. It has a picture of Leonard sitting in a cafe or coffehouse, cigarette in hand, half-smiling at the camera like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Very Beat with a smidgeon of "What the heck am I doing here?"

So here's the ad copy ... enjoy the flashback.

Did you ever get the feeling that you needed to disengage yourself from life?

To withdraw into some kind of solitary contemplation just to think about everything for a while? Everything. You. Her. It. Them.


(Yes! Especially THEM!)

Well that's how a poet feels, because he's no different from everyone else. What makes a poet different is that he takes the time to put it all down on paper. Beautifully.

And what makes Leonard Cohen a very different poet is that he turns his poetry into songs.

He did it for Songs of Leonard Cohen, his first album. And it achieved a rare kind of success. Everyone began picking up on it. Especially the song "Suzanne."


(O.K. Here comes the desperation part.)

The first time we sprang him on you cold, and people had to get warmed up to this very unusual artist. But now, there's actually a demand up front for Leonard Cohen.

So here's the second Leonard Cohen album for the growning number of people who have identified with him. And feel what he feels. But don't have that rare poetic vision.

There could be as many as 20,000,000 Leonard Cohens in the United States. You may even be him yourself.



See, I told you I was Leonard Cohen.

What were they smoking back in the sixties...I can just see the suits at Columbia House doing the math..."Yeah!, 20,000,000 times the price of a vinyl album = A whole lot of Bread, Man!"

My only fear is that Leonard signed off on this ad copy...Oh, No!...a ghastly thought...what if Leonard actually wrote it.

I think I'm going to have to go lie down for a while.

Mr. Ed
(a.k.a. Leonard Cohen)
Last edited by Mr. Ed on Thu Aug 01, 2002 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mr. Ed
 
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hey, look everybody...i'm leonard cohen

Postby Guest on Thu Aug 01, 2002 9:36 am

i like this one, made me smile, a good start to the day, thanks!!!!! :D
Guest
 

I AM LEONARDICUS

Postby Mr. Ed on Thu Aug 01, 2002 9:58 am

Well, I just couldn't sleep for thinking about those 20,000,000 Leonard Cohens running around. Which led me to thinking about that great technicolor epic LEONARDICUS

It is about a songwriter, Leonardicus (played by Kirk Douglas) who is in bondage to the House of Columbia. Forced to put out albums at a dizzying pace and sick of the abuse heaped upon his rare poetic vision, he rebels against his masters.

Before he knows it, he's in charge of a rag-tag band of Canadians (among them Tony Curtis) who have flocked to his cause and are now wrecking havoc on the countryside when they're not freeing other songwriters.

This motley band is formed into an Army by Leonardicus and he leads them into battle against American hegemony and cultural imperialism. The Canadians have spirit, loyalty, courage and hockey sticks. The Americans have B-1 bombers, F-16's, the Bomb, and Laurence Olivier. They also have Julius Caesar as a back-up.

The Canadians lose.

Now here's where it gets interesting. After the battle, General Crassus (Laurence Olivier) addresses the surviving songwriters and demands to know which one of them is Leonardicus. (Unaccountably, even with the huge demand upfront for his second album, Olivier and the Americans do not know what Leonardicus actually looks like.) General Crassus offers the other songwriters a choice. Point out Leonardicus and live out the rest of their lives in their former slavery or die a very slow and nasty death. Well, as they're all mulling that one over...Leonardicus very nobly but somewhat reluctantly starts forward to reveal himself...when suddenly out of the blue one of his fellow songwriters stands to his feet and shouts out, "I am Leonardicus!" Then another. And another. Until the whole host of 20,000,000 are shouting the joyful refrain "I am Leonardicus."

Well, needless to say this really ticks off Crassus and the Americans. So they pack the whole lot off to L.A. where the method of execution is the dreaded Death By Smog. We last see Leonardicus, between coughs, tenderly bidding his wife (Jean Simmons) and his newborn babe goodbye. Mother and child have acquired their freedom and are heading back to Canada. Everyone weeps into their popcorn and leaves the theatre feeling ennobled but thinking, "Man, Glad I didn't live back then."
Mr. Ed
 
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Location: the stable

Postby Linda on Thu Aug 01, 2002 2:24 pm

What a good laugh! Thank you Mr. Ed!
Linda
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Postby Mr. Ed on Thu Aug 01, 2002 9:38 pm

You are welcome, Linda
Last edited by Mr. Ed on Fri Aug 02, 2002 7:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mr. Ed
 
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Postby rockoff on Thu Aug 01, 2002 11:57 pm

No. You're not Spartacus. I'm Spartacus.
rockoff
 

Postby Guest on Fri Aug 02, 2002 11:50 pm

This was a great movie. they don't make them like that anymore.
Guest
 

Postby rocksoff on Fri Aug 02, 2002 11:58 pm

Yeah. They certainly don't. Full of great characterisation and plot. No reliance on Special FX.
rocksoff
 

Leonardicus

Postby Andrew McGeever on Sun Aug 04, 2002 12:42 am

Well, Mr Ed, you just can't beat a damn good plot; especially that of the anti-imperialist variety...I await the sequel;" Leonardicus 11" (that's 2 for those who don't write in Imperialese) , or maybe "Son of Leonardicus..This Time It's Serious". But beware the quicksand of Hollywood, or you too could sell your soul to the moguls ( led by Attilla The Accountant).
Keep writing! I may be able to help with casting, if you need any Picts, Scots, Irish, Druids, Celts, but if it's Huns then my connections don't reach that far.
Yours, Andrew.
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Postby rocksoff on Sun Aug 04, 2002 2:01 am

Andrew: were you involved in casting MEL GIBSON as Macbeth in that film about Scotland? Mind you, his painted makup reminded me of Geronimo on the warpath.
rocksoff
 


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