Well, I just couldn't sleep for thinking about those 20,000,000 Leonard Cohens running around. Which led me to thinking about that great technicolor epic LEONARDICUS
It is about a songwriter, Leonardicus (played by Kirk Douglas) who is in bondage to the House of Columbia. Forced to put out albums at a dizzying pace and sick of the abuse heaped upon his rare poetic vision, he rebels against his masters.
Before he knows it, he's in charge of a rag-tag band of Canadians (among them Tony Curtis) who have flocked to his cause and are now wrecking havoc on the countryside when they're not freeing other songwriters.
This motley band is formed into an Army by Leonardicus and he leads them into battle against American hegemony and cultural imperialism. The Canadians have spirit, loyalty, courage and hockey sticks. The Americans have B-1 bombers, F-16's, the Bomb, and Laurence Olivier. They also have Julius Caesar as a back-up.
The Canadians lose.
Now here's where it gets interesting. After the battle, General Crassus (Laurence Olivier) addresses the surviving songwriters and demands to know which one of them is Leonardicus. (Unaccountably, even with the huge demand upfront for his second album, Olivier and the Americans do not know what Leonardicus actually looks like.) General Crassus offers the other songwriters a choice. Point out Leonardicus and live out the rest of their lives in their former slavery or die a very slow and nasty death. Well, as they're all mulling that one over...Leonardicus very nobly but somewhat reluctantly starts forward to reveal himself...when suddenly out of the blue one of his fellow songwriters stands to his feet and shouts out, "I am Leonardicus!" Then another. And another. Until the whole host of 20,000,000 are shouting the joyful refrain "I am Leonardicus."
Well, needless to say this really ticks off Crassus and the Americans. So they pack the whole lot off to L.A. where the method of execution is the dreaded Death By Smog. We last see Leonardicus, between coughs, tenderly bidding his wife (Jean Simmons) and his newborn babe goodbye. Mother and child have acquired their freedom and are heading back to Canada. Everyone weeps into their popcorn and leaves the theatre feeling ennobled but thinking, "Man, Glad I didn't live back then."