complete the poem.....(Haiku)

This is for your own works!!!
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Sandra
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Postby Sandra » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:10 pm

Ok, ......you may begin with another, it is not necessary to begin always with You in the daylight.... :)
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lizzytysh
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Sandra abandoning us to our [i]own [/i]first line.

Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 11:22 pm

Wull, uh, that's what yuh said "teach' "..... :lol: Even though you've released us, I'm tempted to just still keep going, but won't burden you with my results.

That was fun. Thanks for your compliment. Of course! ~ the first would be the best. I like it best, too, actually. Now comes the hardest part, thinking of our own first line. :cry: :cry:

~Lizzytysh

Edit: I almost got out of bed last night, to return to the computer and go through the whole start-up process, just so I could add another one having to do with guardian angels, realizing that the ones I'd done were not of the "air." I commanded myself, "Don't even think about...stay right where you're at!" ~ and did, drifting off soon thereafter. It's just one of those areas where I love the rhythm/syncopation/thought process behind it, and it just feels good to do them. Whether they're truly correct, officially, is a whole other matter....but at least beginning is beginning, and if it's not at least somewhat pleasurable, one might abandon it altogether.
Last edited by lizzytysh on Tue Jul 23, 2002 4:15 am, edited 2 times in total.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 11:24 pm

What's so unoriginal about that, Kush?!? I like the contrast of the peacefulness of a butterfly in the daytime against the night's raging storm.
~Lizzytysh
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Kush
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Postby Kush » Tue Jul 23, 2002 2:30 am

Thank you Lizzytysh....but that little haiku (if it is legitimately one) was in fact blatantly inspired by a quote from a meteorologist who studied changes in weather patterns and chaos theory and then famously declared that "when a butterfly flaps its wings in china it initiates a chain of events that sets off a tornado in Texas."
So you see where that is coming from.....that meterologist (I forget his name) should have been a poet.
Your private life will suddenly explode - Leonard Cohen
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Tue Jul 23, 2002 3:31 am

That's funny, Kush. I'll read it again with that in mind. However, guaranteed, that meteorologist would never have dreamed to put it into a Haiku, or that it would ever have ended up in one. Too bad you can't track him down and mail him a copy. Shows you were impressed with his theory....on some level at least. It's actually reminiscent of what I heard on NPR the other day about the airstream/dust/wind flow patterns being such that within some incredibly short period of time [maybe two months?] we here in the U.S. will have breathed the very same air that those on the other side of the world breathed first, and vice versa. The clouds that carry bacteria, etc. were also part of that discussion. What a concept on the butterfly/tornado. Have you considered using tornado in your last line to make the link even more direct with his theory? I linked it to Leonard's poem regarding the dog barking [in China?] At least the information [itself] that you used remains very original. :shock:
~Lizzytysh
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ania
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Postby ania » Tue Jul 23, 2002 10:03 am

George.Wright wrote:Your in the daylight
and space is out of sight
and so is the darkness of the night
and the second sight
and the wrong from right
and the godhead to bite
and the woman's right
and the sorrow's so bright
and the right to be a knight
and the Guinivered beds
and the crack to be fed
and a merry dance to be lead
and the right to be red
and the hymns and prayers said
and the whole fucking's things read
you cannot turn gold to lead
you will instead fuck up your head
and the four poster's practically flayed
you must disappear into the night...........................
georges

i dont care what the others think of this, i like it.
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Kush
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Postby Kush » Tue Jul 23, 2002 2:46 pm

me too !! George - I think there is madness in your methods and method in your madness....and I like both qualities in writing, atleast to my untrained poetic sensibilities.
Last edited by Kush on Wed Jul 24, 2002 2:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
Your private life will suddenly explode - Leonard Cohen
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Tue Jul 23, 2002 6:18 pm

Ania....Upon his return, Georges will appreciate your input, as well as Kush's.
~Lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Tue Jul 23, 2002 8:16 pm

Hi Sandra...Thanks for narrowing it down for me on the alternatives. I just realized that it wasn't literally the first (a), but the first (b).
~Lizzytysh
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ania
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Postby ania » Wed Jul 24, 2002 4:48 am

kush... ditto!
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Wed Jul 24, 2002 4:55 am

Kush,
I decided I liked it better the way you have it, "In the night, a raging storm"...a more subtle reference to to the tornado.
~Lizzytysh
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Kush
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Postby Kush » Wed Jul 24, 2002 4:50 pm

Lizzytysh.....I wanted to keep it general 'a raging storm' rather than specific ' a tornado'.
Well, no....the truth is I thought the original quote was ' a storm in philadelpia' and then when I checked it was ' a tornado in Texas'. And it was not a butterfly in china..it was in Brazil. well,,,there have been many corruptions of what was originally said...
Your private life will suddenly explode - Leonard Cohen
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Postby Linda » Wed Jul 24, 2002 5:06 pm

I am from the old school, why mess up a beautiful lanuage by using the f-word. Much better with out it!!
Linda
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Thu Jul 25, 2002 1:08 am

Hey, how about that, Kush, you ended up original in spite of yourself! And that butterfly ended up a marathon flapper because of it, as you spurred it on to greatness.....way to go! :)
~Lizzytysh
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Postby Guest » Tue Aug 06, 2002 12:49 pm

To comment on using the word 'f..k' in poems I want you to look at Cohen's 'The Energy Of Slaves'. At least 5! times I've seen the word just in that book... And that was published in 1972!

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