That don't make it junk

[Meryam]

"That Don't Make It Junk"
I fought against the bottle,
But I had to do it drunk –
Took my diamond to the pawnshop –
But that don’t make it junk.

I know that I’m forgiven,
But I don’t know how I know
I don’t trust my inner feelings –
Inner feelings come and go.

How come you called me here tonight?
How come you bother
With my heart at all?
You raise me up in grace,
Then you put me in a place,
Where I must fall.

Too late to fix another drink –
The lights are going out –
I’ll listen to the darkness sing –
I know what that’s about.

I tried to love you my way,
But I couldn’t make it hold.
So I closed the Book of Longing
And I do what I am told.

How come you called me here tonight?
How come you bother with my heart at all?
You raise me up in grace,
Then you put me in a place,
Where I must fall.

I fought against the bottle,
But I had to do it drunk –
Took my diamond to the pawnshop –
But that don’t make it junk.


I took the liberty to copy a few postings:

'' It's easy to fight an addiction when you're doing it. ie. Drink, and decide to stop drinking. Smoke, and decide to stop smoking.
This is my last carton/pack/cigarette. I don't know how many times I tossed my smokes off the balcony in the middle of the night, only to go searching for them in the morning. Of course, where I lived there were lots of bums so the smokes were never there...

by madeline

by mat james
Hi Madeline,
It's easy to fight an addiction when you're doing it.

I can see your point for if you/I were not addicted, we would have no reason to "fight it".
(I assume you are commenting on the first song mentioned on this thread, where Leonard says; "I tried to do it my way but I had to do it drunk".
It sounds to me like it is easier to start the fight (the addiction) than to finish it. Probably the fight is never won: just sustained.

Interpretation (or folly)
I had to get drunk on life in order to understand life.
My "higher moments" I recorded in songs and poetry, and these are my "diamonds" and diamonds are not only valuable today, but diamonds are forever, as the saying goes.
The pawn shop for me is popular music. He pawned his poetry in pop music, "but that don't make it junk". While he does not claim to be up there with the best of poetry, of scripture, he knows he has sought and he knows he has found.

I'll continue at leisure.
Matj"

Meryam:
At first reading I had to smile: I saw the person sitting at his table drinking and getting more and more tipsy and drunk, and all the time saying to himself: this time I really stop! - and I - well, I like a glass of wine, but I don't have to fight the bottle - felt a little superior: of course that doesn t work.. not smart!

But then I realized you mustn't take it literally, but as a metaphor: everyone has his own kind of addiction, not necessarily alcohol. Maybe, work, sex, laziness, an impossible love...

It must be a great attraction, something you can hardly refuse even when it doesnt feel good anymore; you hold on to it, you can't loosen your grip, you are hooked.
You can only fight it when you have that high again, so when you are drunk, of high, or hooked...

Suppose an impossible love and broken relationship: you hold on the only thing that is left of the lover and that is: the pain and the loss. You want consolation, but only from the person who ended it. Your head understands it's useless but the emotion stumbles behind.

To me it's no coincidence that the I uses street language (that don't make it junk): he himself is the junk, too, and he knows it

'too late to fix another drink' so you have to surrender to the darkness and sadness. Longing has its beauty, too. My love/relationship didn't work, but that doesn't mean it had no value (back then, and now), it was a real diamond, even when it is now in the pawnshop.

[mat james]

Hi Meryam,
a few of us (as you reference above) did saunter around this song a bit, before; but it deserves more input from more people.
Rather than write my ideas again, I will simply (lazily?) add the link to our previous discussion.

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=10339

I will enter the fray as time permits.
I look forward to reading your further ideas/reactions.

But then I realized you mustn't take it literally, but as a metaphor: everyone has his own kind of addiction, not necessarily alcohol. Maybe, work, sex, laziness, an impossible love...

"...an impossible love..."
Maybe that sums up most of Leonard's work?
and many a life.
For most of us, maybe that sums up the quest for Unity/g~d?

"...an impossible love..."
What a wonderful line, Meryam!

Mat

[Meryam]

Thanks, from bitter experience...

I'm brooding on Love itself or You've loved enough. The topic on the album as a whole is interesting but many words... poo